A Cursed Life?
by lupin55
Summary: A series of oneshots looking at the life of Remus Lupin. Rated T as a precaution for later chapters.
1. A private promise

**A private promise**

"Stay away! We don't want your sort around here beast"

_Beast_. The word was so small, yet the sense of hatred it conveyed was almost too much for him to bare. As he fought the tears that were pushing to leak from his eyes he realised for the first time just what his lycanthropy would mean. He was a beast, a monster, a werewolf and nothing would stop that. Nothing would stop the fear that others felt when he was near or the sense of hatred they so readily revealed. He was a beast and nothing could or would ever change that.

_Its not fair_, thought Remus. _I don't want this. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want people to be afraid of me. I don't want to hunt and kill. I don't want to be a beast._

As he sat alone in his room, Remus couldn't help but wonder just how long he could keep the wolf at bay. Every time he breathed he knew it was there, lurking, waiting for the opportunity to attack, and he hated it. He hated the feeling that somewhere within him was something that wanted nothing more than blood and flesh and would stop at nothing to get it. He hated the idea that he was capable of doing the terrible things he had read in books about his kind and most of all he hated the fact that he had no control over what he was. No control over what he became and no control over what he did on those terrible nights.

_Just what would happen if I wasn't locked away?_ he pondered as the sun began to set. _I've seen what I can do. I've got the scars to prove it. I can't let It hurt anyone else. No, _he thought,_ no, it's better if it's me. That way the wolf hurts nobody but me._

He hated the growing number of scars he had. Especially the ones on is face and hands. He hated the way that they were an open display of just how dangerous he could be. _Yes_ he thought_. Dangerous. Thats exactly what I am. Beast._

He remembered the way the healers had looked at him at the hospital just after the attack. The look of pity and sympathy on their faces, and the deep sense of fear in their eyes. _And_ _they're supposed to be the caring ones! _He remembered overhearing one of the healers at the hospital telling his father that there were certain 'options available that would see that noone was harmed by him'. His parents never mentioned the discussion but he knew exactly what the healer had meant - death, execution, murder. Sometimes he wondered if it would have been better if they had taken the man up on his offer, it would have at least spared them of some of the pain. _Yes _he thought_ maybe that would have been for the best. Kill the boy before he becomes a beast. Or before the beast has the chance to take control. _He wasnt quite sure which way round it was. Whether the wolf grew as time passed, like a seed grows into a tree, or whether it is just there, waiting and fighting to take control.

_Ok, now I'm being stupid. They wouldn't have killed me. _He knew his parents loved him, but sometimes it was that which made it so much harder. Their eyes gave away the pain that they felt, the pain which they tried so hard to conceal. They had never said it to him, but he couldn't help wondering if his parents saw him as a beast too. After all, if strangers could see it then surely his own parents could. _They just don't say it because they love me. And they only love me because they have to love me - they're my parents._ But even while he doubted the love his parents had for him, he knew that they did love him and the reason for it didn't really matter. The fact that they stayed with him and didn't have him killed or sent away conveyed just how strongly they did love him, how strongly they cared for him and how strongly they believed in him.

_No, _he thought _maybe I don't have to be a beast. Maybe I'm not a beast._

And it was at that moment that Remus Lupin decided that he wouldn't be, at least not if he could help it. Regardless of how pointless it may be he would fight the wolf. He would starve it, fight it and even if he could not kill it or truly beat it himself, he would not let it win. He may never be able to beat it, and he may die trying, but whatever would come he would not let it defeat him with ease. _No_ thought Remus. _I'm in this for the long fight and I won't ever give in_. And as he blinked away the tears that had gathered in his eyes he made himself a promise - _No matter what, I will not give in._


	2. Hogwarts

"Welcome to Hogwarts"

_Hogwarts. Hogwarts_. No matter how many times he said it he could not get his head around the idea that he, Remus Lupin, a werewolf, was here at Hogwarts. Hogwarts – a school for witches and wizards and he was there. _No_, he thought. _No, its just too good to be true. It can't be real. It just can't_. But it was and somewhere the logical part of his brain was telling him that it was real. That the solid stone walls were really there and the cold marble floor was just what it seemed. The bewitched ceiling above him was just that and the laughter surrounding him was indeed coming from other students. _I'm at Hogwarts _he thought. _I am at Hogwarts_.

He recalled the journey on the Hogwarts Express. The way he had shyly wandered up and down the train searching for a compartment, and had eventually come across one that wasn't too crowded. The way he had stumbled in from the bustle in the corridor outside, catching the attention of the lone inhabitant of the compartment - a boy with messy black hair, and the way the boy had stood and reached out his hand.

"Hi, I'm James. James Potter".

He remembered the conversation the two of them had had before being interrupted by the entrance of another boy with black hair and a cocky smile.

"Sirius Black. Nice to meet you"

And he remembered the feeling in his stomach when he had first caught a glimpse of Hogwarts over the hills. A sudden wave of laughter ripped Remus from his reverie and he slowly drew his eyes around the Hall looking for the source of the amusement - it was a small girl with sandy coloured hair who had just tripped on her way from the sorting hat to her new house table.

_Bloody hell_ he thought. _I really am at Hogwarts._

All of a sudden Remus' attention was caught by the calling of a familiar name - "Black, Sirius!", shortly followed by the yell of "Gryffindor!!". Drawn from his thoughts he watched aptly as first year after first year were sorted until eventually "Lupin, Remus" was called.

Slowly he made his way forward to the front of the hall, feeling all eyes on him. He felt very self-conscious and all he could think was _Don't trip. Don't trip_. As he reached the stool and sat down, he gently raised the hat and placed it on his head. It was very big and engulfed him. He heard it begin to speak and immediately all his fears about the sorting were resurfaced. _Not slytherin, please. Please not slytherin._ After what to Remus felt like an eternity, the hat shouted "Gryffindor!" and the room erupted in applause. What happened in the next few minutes was very much a blur to Remus and before he knew it he was sitting at the Gryffindor table next to James Potter and Sirius Black, listening to Albus Dumbledore, headmaster give his 'start of term' speech.

_I'm at Hogwarts and I'm in Gryffindor!!! Bloody hell!! I'm in Gryffindor!!!_ thought Remus, struggling to contain the feeling of ecstasy that was threatening to engulf him. And as he looked up at the grey haired man with half-moon spectacles who was now speaking, he realised that it was because of him that he was there. He had heard of the Legend that was Albus Dumbledore before – of course he had – but it was only now that he realised just how great a man he truly was. He had given Remus the opportunity to fulfil a dream that he had never believed possible - He was here at Hogwarts, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. _Yes_ thought Remus _I'm at Hogwarts, in the Great Hall, sitting at the Gryffindor table, looking at the greatest wizard in the world!!_


	3. Best friends in the world

"We've worked it out Remus. We know"

_No. No. They can't know. They can't _thought Remus, panic sweeping over him. H_e _looked over at his friends across the room. It had been a full moon two nights ago and his body still ached and he still bore the wounds. _What do I say...what do I say. _He couldn't find a sentence amid the jumble of words in his mind and he could feel his heart pumping at an unbelievable force. _Think! Come on Remus think _he yelled at himself internally. Frustration beginning to overwhelm his panic.

"What?" he gulped, his body starting to shake, whether from the pain of his fresh wounds or from fear he did not know.

"We know...er..." started James hesitantly but then Sirius cut in

"We know that your a werewolf"

_Wha...I...er...You..._ Even in his mind he struggled to find a comprehensible sentence to contradict what it was they were saying. He felt fear overwhelm him and he could not help but stare at the three of them wide eyed. They were the only friends he had ever had and he couldn't stand losing them.

"Wh...I'm not" he stuttered out, his fear evident and his eyes giving him away. _Its ok...they dont know...not really. Just stay calm and talk yourself out ...talk yourself out _thought Remus but he found his mind completely blank._ Oh come on Remus, THINK!. _As he racked his brain for a plausible explanation, Remus failed to notice an arm curl around his shoulder. He shuddered at the contact and any words that had gathered in his head were forced right back. _Wha...they shouldn't be doing that if they know...why..._

"It's ok Rem. We know and we don't mind"

_You do...don't mind? WHAT?? This doesn't make sense _thought Remus, struggling to make any sense of the words he was hearing. Never before had anyone but Dumbledore not cared about what he was – even his parents – and this made no sense to his already fear-ridden mind

"Don't...don't you hate me?"

"What?!" "Don't be stupid" Yelled Sirius and James in unison. _Stupid... _Remus looked up at them and saw a smile breaking through on both their faces.

"Course we don't mind you Baffoon!" said James his grin growing even bigger.

"Yeah I mean it would have been nicer if you'd told us about it but.." started Sirius. _Why did I lie? I should have known they'd be really cool about it. There my best friends and I lied to them _thought Remus cowering once again. James seemed to notice this and interrupted.

"-we understand that its not exactly something you'd want to broadcast"

"Yeah, your our mate Rem. Were not gonna turn on you just because you have a..."

"Furry little problem!" finished James, a broad grin on his face and laughter in his eyes.

_A furry little...what did he just say??! _thought Remus. He had never before heard his condition be described in such a jovial manner before. Remus once again looked up at his friends and this time he too gave them a small smile. _Maybe they really don't mind_ thought Remus._ Maybe they really don't mind_ he thought again drilling it into his mind._ They really are the best friends in the world._


	4. Brothers

_Why? _That was all Remus could think as he lay in his bed in the hospital wing. _Why? I thought he was my friend. Why?! I could have killed him! All I've fought against would have been for nothing and why? Because of Sirius Stupid Black and…_

He was broken from his reverie by the sound of the door to the wing opening. Immediately knowing who it was he rolled over and pretended to be asleep. _I can't do this now. I can't._

The sound of shuffling feet got louder and louder before coming to a halt at his bedside. He heard a small gulp before the figure began to speak.

"Hey Moony…Moony…Rem… are you awake? …I know you are….you…you don't breathe like that when you're asleep….Moony…."

_Oh come on…like you know how I breathe…you great git…I hate you! _thought Remus as he continued to feign unconsciousness.

"Ok…look….I..I'm so sorry Moony!….I….I…it was meant to be a joke…I never thought…." Sirius stuttered as he struggled to find the words he needed to explain himself.

_A joke! _thought Remus _A joke! I could have killed him! Then where would I be…up at the ministry for the death penalty that's where! _

"I never meant for him to get as far as he did…I just…I wanted to scare him, you know….show him that he shouldn't stick his slimy nose in our business"

_In our business! Its my business you plonker. MINE! I'm the one who gets expelled when everyone finds out like they are bound to. I'm the one who gets executed for putting people at risk, not you, you lousy piece of….._

" Look Moony, Remus….I…I'm sorry…I really don't know what else I can say…but…I really am sorry and I mean it. Its not like when I apologise to McGonagall for whatever it was we did in class, I really do mean it and …I'd do anything to go back…anything….but I can't…..I'm sorry"

He heard another small gulp followed by the sound of footsteps away from him and towards the exit.

_Oh what a lovely little speech. He's sorry…yeah right…sorry he got in trouble more like. What an IDIOT! How could he be so bloody stupid?!_

Once again Remus found his thoughts disturbed and once again he knew exactly who it was.

_Just leave me alone James! I don't want to talk to ANYONE!_

The footsteps drew nearer and once again a familiar voice began to speak.

"Rem…I know you're awake…Rem?…"

_I don't care. I'm not talking to you._

"Look Moony…I know you wanna be on your own right now but you need to hear what I've got to say…"

_No I don't! the last thing I need is you making excuses for him!_

"…Ok, well three years ago we found out your secret….and we promised to keep it just that…a secret"

_Oh well that worked well didn't it!_

"We told you that we didn't care….and we didn't…because you were our best friend. And that secret Rem…its been all of ours. Every full moon you'd leave and we'd know exactly where you were going and we'd know why and it hurt. It hurt us to know that you were going off to be in as much pain as any of us could even imagine. It hurt us to know that at the time when you needed us most we couldn't be there…..so we came up with an idea and you know exactly what that idea was and it brought us closer….closer than friends…it made us brothers Rem. Brothers. Brothers who shared a bond so deep that I dont think we even realised it til now…til it was almost broken. That bond Rem…well that's because of you …because of your secret and its made us brothers…..Look Moony….I know you're angry but brothers don't give up on each other when they make a mistake. They forgive and they learn. He's you're brother Rem and you might feel like you hate him but it only hurts this much because you love him…not hate…love…. Just…don't give up on what we all have because he made a mistake. Please"

There was a short silence before Remus heard the sound of feet shuffling away. Slowly exhaling a deep breath he didn't know he'd been holding he didn't know what to think. _He's got a point _one side of his mind thought_. But he ruined everything…I could have been expelled…or executed…_the other half kept telling him. _He was my best friend and he betrayed me! He doesn't deserve my forgiveness…but he's my best friend…._

As he tried to think up reasons to hate Sirius he found he couldn't, that one word just kept overriding everything he thought. _Brothers. Maybe James does have a point _he thought_. We're brothers….brothers….and brothers don't turn their backs on one another. _So in that moment Remus made a decision _No matter what he has done I will forgive him…I may not forget but I will forgive…he's my brother._


	5. Reach for the stars

"Ah Remus! Good Morning!"

"Hello Sir"

"Why don't you take a seat?"

"Thank you"

"Right, well Remus I suppose we had best cut to the chase – wouldn't want you missing out on lunch now would we?!" _Er...I suppose not... _thought Remus, slightly confused at his headmasters abrupt start to the conversation. He had spent the whole morning since receiving his letter from Dumbledore asking to meet wondering what on earth it was about, and now it seemed that Dumbledore was trying to get him out of the door before the conversation had even started.

"Good good. Well I'm going to be direct with you Remus" _Oh dear_ thought Remus noticing how the man's expression had suddenly turned from one of quiet happiness to an altogether more stony and sombre one. "I asked you here today because I wished to speak with you myself about what the future holds for you once you leave Hogwarts" _Oh..._ thought Remus, apparently stunned by the reason for their meeting. _Well this shouldn't take long_. "I'm sure you are more than aware of the outlook many people have over werewolves" _Ha! Yeah!_ thought Remus bitterly. "And I am equally sure that you are aware that you currently are living a very protected life" continued Dumbledore. "But Remus when you leave Hogwarts the truth is that however cruel it is, you may well struggle to find even the simplest of jobs" _And don't I know it!_ "But you don't need me to tell you that. I'm sure you are more than aware of these matters and they have no doubt plagued your mind for some time" _Hmm you don't say_ thought Remus.

As if reading the younger man's thoughts Dumbledore continued. "Remus, I'm not here to dwell on these matters and I don't mean for you to either. The reason I asked you here is that I have one question for you...suppose your situation weren't so ... complicated... what is it you would like to do? I mean, if you could do anything at all?" _What would I like to do? What does it matter? It would never happen! It's like you said before, I'm gonna struggle to get even a simple job!_

"Remus?" probed Dumbledore.

"Er...well I always thought...I mean...I think I'd quite like to teach" muttered Remus, his voice barely above a whisper. "But noone in their right mind would ever give me a job in a school even if I got all the grades and everything. I mean its hopeless. Noone wants to hire a werewolf. I..."

"Remus" cut in Dumbledore, "never doubt that something you desire so truly with your heart can in fact happen. It is a weak person who gives up on a dream just because the chances of achieving it are unlikely. I won't lie to you Remus, you and I both know that things are going to be more...difficult... for you. Sadly, we live in a time where many people do not have the sight to entrust people that are...different...with roles of responsibility"

_Hmph _snorted Remus in his mind. _And don't I know it _thought Remus as choruses of 'Beast' rang though his mind.

"But that aside, you're an intelligent boy Remus, and I have no doubts that you can and will fulfill your potential. "

_Potential? What potential? I haven't got a chance _thought Remus bitterly._ Even if I got the best grades in the year noone would hire werewolf. I have..._

"Remus..." Interrupted Dumbledore, seemingly reading his mind once again. "Never doubt that what you dream can happen".

Finding his internal rant momentarily interrupted Remus looked up into the eyes of the man he trusted and respected most in the whole world. Gazing into those eyes he saw more truth and honesty than he had ever seen and he slowly began to feel his body relax and his mind believe. _Maybe..._

"My boy, we all have those dreams that we believe are unattainable," continued Dumbledore, "but if we reach for the stars who knows what is possible".

Upon finishing his small speech, Dumbledore's eyes glistened and gazing into the older mans face, Remus found himself believing that maybe, just maybe he could become who he had always dreamed of being. _My life might never be easy – how can it be? But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try. Afterall, who knows what is possible. I'm gonna reach for the stars, and even if I fall short, I will still have traveled a long way._

_**Sorry for the very long delay in updating. I should hopefully be able to update much more regularly and frequently from now on! Thanks for reading and keep with me for the next chapter!!**_


	6. Order induction

"Moony, its going to be fine" _Yeah! Easy for you to say. You're not the one who turns into a monster once a month _thought Remus as he paced around the small room, trying not to let his eyes focus on the thin curtain which currently separated him from the Order of the Phoenix. "It is. You're just working your self up over nothing" carried on Sirius. At this comment Remus's eyes lifted to give his friend a sceptical look. _Nothing? Nothing? How is it nothing?! On the other side of that curtain are some of the greatest witches and wizards of our time, all handpicked by Dumbledore, none of whom are going to want to work with a werewolf like me!_

"Look you came out top in almost every class" chipped in James "and you were the best dueller in the year. No-ones going to care about your furry little problem!" _Of course they're going to care! How can they not?! Who is going to want to battle darkness with the assistance of a dark creature?! Thats a bit too ironic!_

"They won't Moony. You have too many better qualities for them to let something as silly as you sprouting hair and teeth get in the way of saving the world " said Sirius, as though reading his younger friends mind.

"Precisely" added Lily whilst gently rubbing his arm. "Remus, Dumbledore chose you for a reason. So please stop panicking. Its going to be fine. Trust me" At those words Remus looked up and Lily held his gaze. _You don't know that. And even if Dumbledore did pick me that doesn't mean everyone else will want me there…._"It will be fine Remus, just be yourself and it will all be fine. We're all going in together so how bad can it be?" _Perhaps…_thought Remus, still holding her gaze.

At that moment the familiar face of Dumbledore popped around from behind the curtain.

"Ready?" said Dumbledore looking between the group, a slight sparkle in his eye. _As I'll ever be _thought Remus as he took a deep breath and followed his friends through the curtain into a room of expectant faces. "Could everyone please welcome our newest members James Potter, Sirius Black, Lily Evans, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin" said Dumbledore gesturing to each of the five as they came through the curtain.

As he entered the room Remus could feel dozens of eyes resting on him. _Stop shaking! You're there now, shaking isn't going to help is it?! _Looking up to meet the stares of the others seated in the room Remus noticed that no-one was leering or obviously disgusted. In fact the majority of faces were smiling.

"See its not so bad is it?" whispered Lily into his ear. _No_ thought Remus smiling slightly, _perhaps you were right …_

"If you'd all like to take a seat, we'll begin your first meeting" said Dumbledore, winking as his gaze focused on Remus. _Maybe this won't be so bad after all._


	7. A matter of distrust

"We're going into hiding" _Hiding?_

"Where?" asked Remus, both puzzled and somehow expectant at the same time.

"We...er....we can't say.....I'm sorry Moony..." _Ha, figures. Why even bother telling me?_

"Then why...?"

"We just wanted to say goodbye...we don't know how long we'll be gone and well..." _You think its me...you all think its me. _"Look... I mean..." continued James, desperately trying to fill the awkard silence that surrounded them.

"You think its me don't you?" questioned Remus, already well aware of the truthful answer, but somehow hoping his friend would give him a different response all the same. But no response came, so he carried on "You really think I would do that? That I'd sell you out?" asked Remus, raising the question that had been burning in his mind for the past few weeks. _Do you honestly think I could? _He seemed to catch his friend unaware however and all James could do was stand there, his mouth open and a look of surprise and guilt in his eyes .

"What? You think I don't know what people are saying about me? You think I haven't noticed how not one person bar Dumbledore can meet my eye at meetings?" continued Remus, his emotion boiling within his chest.

"Look...I..." stuttered James. _Ha! thats what I thought._

"That answers my question" replied Remus turning away.

"Look I'm not saying that Moony" called out James, making Remus turn back and face his friend "but look at it logically, you've been around less and less lately and you won't tell any of us where you've been"

"I've been doing Order business, I've told you, I.."

"...and when you do come to meetings you look like hell, and well...." said James, suddenly unable to make eye-contact with the man he once considered to be his best friend. _I'm a werewolf _thought Remus._ Lets face it thats what it all comes down to._

"I'm a werewolf?" threw in Remus, blinking back the tears he so desperately wanted to cry in order to glare at the man opposite him.

"No...I...look....what are we supposed to think?!" said James, finally meeting Remus's gaze. _You're supposed to trust me! You're supposed to believe in me and believe that I never could or would do anything to harm the few people I love!_ thought Remus, barely able to keep his emotion in check. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he knew there was no point. So instead he settled for an altogether shorter and blunter response, before turning and walking away.

"I understand"

"I'm sorry Moony" _So am I _thought Remus, unable to bring himself to look at his friend for what would be the final time and desperately fighting back the tears that were welling in his eyes.


	8. They're all dead

_Why? Why why why? _The only thought Remus was able to comprehend as he stared at the copy of the Daily Prophet ahead of him was that of a single word repeated over and over again. It had been almost 12 hours. 12 hours since Dumbledore had come knocking on his door. 12 hours since he heard the news that the people he loved most in the world were gone....dead.

_Dead_ thought Remus. _Dead. _The word seemed so final he just could not bring himself to say it. His friends were gone and he, Remus J Lupin, werewolf, marauder and member of the Order of the Phoenix was more alone than ever before. _Dead. _There would be no more late nights spent joking over a pint of firewhiskey, no more marauding, no more pranks to conspire....those days were gone, moments of the past and all that was left of them now were distant, distant memories. _Dead. _

And worst of all, his friends...his family were victims of another whom he himself had called a brother. _Sirius...._The mere thought of the name brought a bitter taste to Remus' mouth and tears to his eyes. _Sirius...You were their friend! My friend! How could you?! How could you?! Why?!_

"Why Sirius? Why?!" he cried out, the anguish he felt evident in his scream. _Why?_

And as the tears began to fall, and he fell to his knees, he knew that life would never be the same again, that he would never be the same. _Dead..._

"They're dead....my friends...my family....they're all dead"


	9. Just too much

_Sorry..._How many times had he heard that word over the past two days?._ Sorry. _The word resounded around Remus's head as though entirely foreign. Of course he understood its meaning, but somehow it seemed so useless, so empty in light of the events it was being applied to. _Sorry! Sorry won't bring them back! _He thought bitterly as he stared out of the window, barely listening to the words Dumbledore was speaking. It was the last meeting of the Order and it was almost too much for him to take. Time seemed to have stopped and so it was with shock that Remus realised everyone, bar Dumbledore and himself, had left and the meeting was in fact over.

Remus slowly stood, gathering his cloak and making his way to the door.

"Remus" The room had been so silent before Dumbledore had spoken that Remus found himself jolting slightly. _What? _thought Remus_ What else is there to say?! _Slowly he turned to face the older man, almost knowing exactly what it was the man he idolised more than any other had to say

"So you intend to leave?" said Dumbledore. _What's there to keep me here?! _thought Remus bitterly. _They're all gone! Gone! And I'm left here all alone....just me..._

"I can't... I can't stay here....not now" N_ot now they're all gone._

"I see. And where will you go?" continued Dumbledore, seeming to already understand the reasons Remus had for leaving.

"I don't know...away.....abroad perhaps. I just..." _I can't stay here. It hurts too much. _There was a pause. An eerie silence in which neither man spoke. Instead they stood there in silence, almost as if neither man knew what to say. Eventually Dumbledore broke the silence, his usual calm voice seeming somewhat quieter than normal

"I understand.... Just remember Remus, you still have family here....and you always will my child" Hearing these words Remus found himself unable to speak and all thought leave his mind. So instead he picked up his coat and silently left, a slight nod of his head the only acknowledgment that he had heard his old Headmasters words._ I'm sorry professor_ thought Remus. _I just can't stay here. Not now. The war might be over but it just hurts too much._


	10. When do I begin?

_What?! _thought Remus as he read through the letter sent by his old headmaster for the third time in succession._ What?! _It was 4 days since he had heard the news that Sirius had escaped from Azkaban and he was still getting over his anger at the audacity of the man he once called a brother. _Now Dumbledore wants me to come and teach?! What is he thinking? I can't teach! I'm a werewolf for crying out loud! And I can't go back...not now. _Staring at the familiar scrawl on the parchment in his hand Remus' head was filled with thoughts._ I mean how can I? Its been such a long time, I don't know if I can. It's been so long...too long. That place meant so much to me. The memories....how can I go back now? I just can't..... But Harry. _

Deep down Remus knew the reasons Dumbledore had for wanting him to return to Hogwarts now._ He wants me to watch Harry, to teach him how to defend himself. With Sirius on the run then Harry needs me more than ever_._.... I owe it to him, God knows I've been useless for the past 13 years....I owe it to James and Lily...I owe it to Harry. _The prospect of seeing the baby he considered a nephew after so long apart both excited and upset him. He felt such a mixture of feelings that he didn't know how to react. So instead he simply grabbed an old piece of parchment and wrote four short words before he changed his mind:_ When do I begin?_


End file.
